I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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