just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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