We won't sleep together?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
