i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
