I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dick very happy bro
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
