This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
