just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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