As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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