imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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