He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
