What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
