i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
