that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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