You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
