don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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