just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
