No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
