Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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