Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize