I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
