I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
