so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
