I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
