pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
