remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
