were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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