Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
