I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
