pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
