So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
