I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize