What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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