i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
