i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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