My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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