dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
