I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
