You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
