I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
