She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
