On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
