so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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