There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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