I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
