Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
