i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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