Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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