i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
