i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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