Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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