You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
