Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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