apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
