so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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