he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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