I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I could fuck to npr.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
