My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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