Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
