I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
