I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
