Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
someone owes me an orgasm
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
