we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
