I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
