He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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