Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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