I'm jealous of your bromance
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
