woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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