I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
