i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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