I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
tell me about the eggs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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