I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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