Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
