Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize