Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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