haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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