saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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