i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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