The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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