She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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