Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
