Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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